Oh, artificial sweetener! (for people who feel "Oh, sugar" is too strong)
Mood:  incredulous

There must be a place that rents babies to Jehovah's Witnesses on an hourly basis.  I swear, they're always toting along an infant (or sometimes, a sweet-looking septuagenarian, if they belong to the Granny Upgrade Reward program at the rental office).  They also have an uncanny sense for showing up when I'm at death's door with the flu, or the spaghetti pot is boiling over, or the President has just announced we all have five minutes to live.  Somebody must have carved a secret hobo sign on the fence to alert proselytizers, because our little dead-end street gets inundated regularly with young missionaries competing for our souls.

Two burly young men showed up at my door last weekend, brandishing a Mid-Sized Luxury Compact Rental Infant with Missouri plates.  They were dressed entirely in black, like Secret Service agents.  When I didn't answer the door, they left behind a tract entitled "DID JESUS OWN A BIBLE?"

The answer, of course, was "no", but I found myself wondering why they felt the need to pose such a silly rhetorical question in the first place.  I'm anxious to find out in next month's issue of Watchtower if the ancient Greeks had cable television.  I'll let you know.

P.S. A more important question just occurred to me:  did the FBI have a "Public Friends" list to counterbalance its Public Enemies list?  Who was Public Friend #1?

I'm guessing Mister Rogers.