Alien theology
Mood:  spacey

Dr. Zhivago was on TV last weekend, starring the lovely Julie Christie (one of David's fave actresses, if I recall correctly).  As always, I marvelled at David Lean's gorgeous cinematography -- for example, the sparks that fly from the top of the streetcar as Yuri and Lara unknowingly brush against each other -- as well as his inability to make films in temperate climates (Lawrence of Arabia, Bridge Over The River Kwai).  Just watching the characters struggling over the tundra makes you feel in need of a heavy blanket and some hot toddies.

One has to wonder what Zhivago and Lara were eating when they were shacked up in that frozen dacha in the middle of nowhere, with war going on all around them and continual food shortages.  (I also wonder the same thing about Josh and Cyn in Better Than Sex, but at least they could get Chinese takeout if they needed to.  And they were able to romp freely among the sheets without any pesky fears of getting conscripted and executed by the Red Guard.  Although, if you ask me, that taxi driver looked like a card-carrying Menshevik.)

I also have to share another news item that caught my eye yesterday.  The Vatican's chief astronomer publically announced the Catholic Church is OK with belief in extraterrestrials.  Ruling out the existence of aliens would be like "putting limits" on God's creative freedom, he said: "Just as we consider earthly creatures as 'a brother,' and 'sister,' why should we not talk about an 'extraterrestrial brother'? It would still be part of creation."

Now that it's no longer a venial sin to watch E.T., that raises some complicated theological issues.  What if the space aliens are gay, or use birth control?  What if they eat meat on Fridays?  Isn't that a double standard?  And what about original sin, does that also apply to Alf, Spock, Jabba the Hutt, and Dr. Ghrobak?  (OK, so David's character in Return to Jupiter wasn't technically a space alien, but he was kind of extraterrestrial.)  Do aliens need an alien Jesus to be redeemed, or are they automatically included in the Earth's salvation deal, like extra drivers on a rental car agreement?

If there are alien Jesuses, do the children wear little ray guns around their necks instead of little crosses?  Is alien communion different?  Instead of bread and wine, are they offered plasma gases and neutrinos?  Must they attend confession?

Sunday School teachers always hated me.

But don't worry, the fates are already in the process of devising exotic punishments for dwelling on such blasphemous questions.  A horrifying credit card bill arrived in the mail yesterday, one that actually exceeds my bank balance by a few digits.  Looks like I'll have to subsist for awhile on peanut butter, and gum scraped off the sidewalk.  If anyone wants me, I'll be huddled in a frozen dacha with Omar Sharif.