Scene 9.5: Outside of the Citadel

 

Éowyn stands on the steps of the Citadel, holding the Shoe, staring with determination into the night.

Slowly Dracula sidles up to her wearing his most dazzling sleazy smile.

Dracula: Hey, baby, new in town?

Éowyn looks at him, carefully sets the Shoe down, then stands back up and with all of her strength rams her elbow into Dracula's stomach.

Dracula: OOOF!

As he's doubled over gasping for air, Éowyn folds her hands together and clobbers him over the head. He collapses into a heap.

Éowyn: Creep!

She picks up the Shoe and goes back inside

Dracula: (gasping) Maybe I'll just go over to the Charlie's Angels 3 set... (Crawls away)

 

Scene 10: Back inside the Citadel

 

(Éowyn slips into the Citadel, and discreetly into her room. Setting the shoe carefully on the bedside table, she flops down on her bed and stares dreamily at it for a while. Then, she gets up and goes out again, holding the shoe behind her back.)

Éowyn: ÉOMER!!!!!

Éomer jerks at the sound of his name, and hurriedly grabs a Santa hat, plopping it over his face

Éowyn: Éomer! Can you help me find--

Éomer: Very sorry, I'm not at home. Can't stay. Gotta leave under pain of death!

Éowyn: What on earth... (yanks hat off) Éomer! Have you been fighting?

Éomer: Mm-hm.

Éowyn: With who?

Éomer: Boromir.

Éowyn: What on earth?! Why, for Eru's sake? I thought the two of you were getting on well!

Éomer: Mumblemumble...

Éowyn: Oh, never mind. C'mere. I need you to find the person whose foot fits this shoe by tomorrow, if you have to search every man in the country!

Éomer: (stares) But... Éowyn...

Éowyn: No buts! Just do it!

Éomer: But I wanted to stay... and there's that hot chick from Dol Amroth who's asked me for a dance.

Éowyn: (winces at the mention of dances, remembering the one she didn't have) Éomer... please? Pretty please? With a cup of mead on top? Aw, c'mon! Are you or are you not my big brother? Hm?

Éomer: Um, Éowyn? Are you sure you're feeling all right?

Éowyn: Yes! Yes! Now just DO it, or I'll slip my embroidery needles into your underwear the next time I do the laundry!

Éomer: Fine! Fine! I'm going! (walks off muttering)

Lothíriel: (walks over with a cross _expression and addresses Éowyn) Now look here, you little trollop. Nobody steals my dance partner. Ever. So back off! He'll never look twice at you, anyway. Who do you think you are, hm?

Éowyn: His sister.

Lothíriel: Oh. Oh, dear.

 

Scene 11: The Stables of Minas Tirith

 

Éomer stalks to the stables, his shoulder hunched, muttering something about "stupid baby sisters" darkly. In the background, Lothiriel flees across the Fountain courtyard, Éowyn in swift pursuit.

Éomer: grumblegrumblegrumble

Gamling, Elfhelm, Hama, and Haleth son of Hama are sitting in the stables playing cards and generally having a good time. Then Éomer storms in and bellows at the top of his voice.

Éomer: Now is the hour! Riders of Rohan! Oaths you have taken! Now, fulfill them all! To Lord and Land!

The Riders leap unsteadily to their feet and lunge for their weapons. Éomer rolls his eyes and presents the shoe of the mysterious Prince of Fluffy.

Éomer: We must scour the city! We have to find... the other shoe.

Haleth: Um, one shoe in a city of thousands? It is hopeless!

Éomer: (solemnly) This is a good shoe, Haleth son of Hama. There is always hope.

Gamling: And, why exactly are we looking for this shoe?

Éomer: Well, we're not really looking for the shoe, more like the foot that fits the shoe. Does that make more sense?

Gamling: No.

Hama: No.

Haleth: We will not live out the night!

Éomer: OK, I've just about had enough of this. Form up! Move out! Form up! Move out!

The five Riders saddle their horses and gallop down to the first level of the city to start their search.


Scene 12: The Kitchens

 

Meanwhile, back at the Citadel... Faramir bursts in through a side entrance. His hair is greasy and stringy once again, all trace of fluff gone, and his wonderful blue velvety clothes have morphed back into his ragged work leathers. He pants for a moment, then starts to sneak down the corridor back to the kitchen. Suddenly Denethor appears.

Denethor: And just where have you been all evening? I ordered a fresh cask of ale be brought up to the ballroom, but you weren't in the kitchens!

Faramir: Um, must have just... stepped out... for a moment...

Denethor: Boromir would have brought me a princely cask!

Faramir: Boromir would not have brought it! He would have stretched out his mug to this thing, drinking it for his own, and when he returned you would not have known your son.

Denethor: You know nothing of this! Back to the kitchen where you belong!

 

Scene 13: The Citadel

 

The next morning, news reaches Denethor’s ears that the Rohirrim  are searching for the mysterious person who lost the shoe.

Den: Boromir! Quickly!! They will come here to try the shoe, and you must make it fit!!

Boromir: The one shoe???

Denethor: You must make your foot fit into this mighty gift!!

Boromir: No, my foot belongs here, in my shiny boots!

Denethor: You would deny your father?

Faramir steps out from the kitchen, where he is scouring pots with his bare hands.

Faramir: If there is need to try the shoe, let me try in his stead.

Denethor: HA! You!!!! Get back in the kitchen. You're not allowed to even try it. mumble mumble loser mumble

Faramir trudges back to the kitchen, sighing, and thinking of the beautiful Éowyn

Faramir: (Thinking) There must be some way to try that shoe on...  (leaves)

Denethor: What do you mean you won't try the shoe on?

Boromir: I don't want to.

Denethor: And why not? She's pretty, she likes swords...what's not to like?

Boromir: (muttering under breath) Because I'd never survive having Éomer as a brother-in-law...

Denethor: What was that?

Boromir: Nothing, nothing...

 

Scene 14: The Kitchens

 

Later that morning, Éowyn sneaks into the kitchens because she missed breakfast; she overslept because it took her so long to fall asleep because she was thinking about the mysterious Prince Fluffy. She spots one of the kitchen workers (who just happens to be Faramir) and calls out...

Éowyn: Excuse me...

Faramir: (turning around and immediately turning very pale and getting rather tongue-tied) Umm...can I help you?

Éowyn: Are you all right?

Faramir: Ummm... yes. I'm fine.

Éowyn: I was wondering if I could get some breakfast. I seem to have missed it.

Faramir: We have some pancake batter left over...

Éowyn: That would be perfect! Thank you!

Faramir begins making some pancakes, every now and then looking over at Éowyn. She notices.

Éowyn: Why are you so nervous?

Faramir: Umm...

Éowyn: (launching into a tirade) I hate this place! Why does everyone think they can't talk to me just because I'm related to the king of Rohan!

Faramir: Actually, it's because I've never seen anyone so beautiful in my life.

Éowyn: (turning red) Oh.

 

There is a moment of awkward silence.

Faramir: Oh, look, the pancakes are done...

He hands her the plate, and she smiles at him and thanks him and turns to go. As she's at the door, she looks back and notices that he's barefoot.

Éowyn: Where are your shoes?

Faramir: Umm...um.... my horse ate them.

Éowyn nods and leaves, looking thoughtful.

Éowyn: No, it couldn't be... his hair wasn't fluffy at all! Too bad... nice guy.

 

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, the encounter with Éowyn has proven to be too much for Faramir. He passes out.

 

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The Story Continues:    1   2   3   4

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