Dessicated Coconut

A Child's Garden of Faramir Verse


Rancid doggerel, dedicated to our favorite Steward.

Your hand deftly circles,
Then hovers and taps.
I let down my Isengard,
And walk into your trap.
You attack from my Mordor,
And enter my Rohan gap.
Oh, how I love it
When you look at my map.

S is for Stewards who look after Gondor
W is for Wenham and Warrior and Wander
O is for Oil, glistening and sleek
O is for Osgiliath (though its defenses are weak)
O is for Orcses, who cut off our heads
O is for Orlando (sorry...wrong thread!)
O is One Ring that whispers "Who's your Daddy?"
O to be held by a red-haired Oz laddie
O is for Orphaned, at the end of the movie
N is for Noble and gentle and groovy


Give us our Wenham,
In leather or denim.
In drag or on fire,
Or conducting leprous choirs.
Give us our Davey
And we'll promise to behave-y.
Hairses are red,
Eyeses are blue,
Our sighssses are as numerous
As the orcs that he slew.
Poor Madril! You were stabbed with a fork
And told that "now comes the time of the Orc",
But it was all a filthy lie,
For now comes the Time of the Cutie-Pie.
There was a young Steward of Hurin,
Who was comatose and needed some curin',
I rode to the Healing Houth
And delivered mouth-to-mouth
Until his vital signs began a-stirrin'.

Untitled Ode by anuhealani
O! Faramir with eyes so grey
(or blue. "So what?" does PJ say)
Soft raven hair--or red to some--
I won't deny makes my heart thrum
I "guh" for you, quiver to laces
Your poet's heart, fairest of faces
(Say, would your bow mind changing places?)

Big Bro himself is quite the looker
But you're so cute e'en on Dad's cooker
Who wants one so lustful for Rings
When you're so sweet an oil-drenched thing?
I must confess your hidden Pool
Sparks in me thoughts that make me drool
(*So juicy nice and cool...*)

Be Window east or Window West--
I like your bedroom window best
Tho' city's great, o beauteous height!
It's too so starkly cold and white
Ithilien's e'er green and lush
And there you rule, calls from the brush
(Go on, command. I'm naught but mush.)

So won't you please just boot the blonde?
(She truly does resemble Grond)
Say you'll forsake the West Emnet--
Give half a chance to this brunette!

Minas Tirith: the
seven-levelled city with
no elevators.

Cookout at Denny's!
Let's throw another Steward
onto the barbie.

Savory leather
jerkin...and yet, there are no
cows in Middle Earth.

From the rock prow of
Minas Tirith, Denethor
practices tee shots.

Limp, limp, floppy, limp,
oily, floppy, limp,
limp, limp, and oily.
Faramir! I could
drool all day, but I only
have seventeen syll

Limericks by lhaewin
Josh is a young bloke from Down Under,
Love hits him with flash and with thunder.
Well hidden under a cushion
He wears next to nothing
Why the bride gown didnīt burst I still wonder.

A man who was longing for money and gold,
Fought in a war and his blood was quite cold.
He was shot by his brother
And could not save a mother.
At last he turned out to be bold.
Limerick by POI
There was a young man called Wenham
Who looked pretty darn fine in denim
When thinking of Dust
Girls thoughts turned to lust
And his clothes it was felt, he should bin'em

Poetry Dedicated To Other David Characters

Strong winds raise the dust.
A melancholy cowboy
meets death - unafraid.
Hey!  That's a good poem!  How did it get in here?
Rub-a-dub dub
Ian in the tub
with Louise. . . .

thawing the freeze.
Two girls looked at Luke. One immediately reckoned:
"Heads I go first, tails I go second."

Then they got into a huge catfight.
What?  It's an avant-garde rhyme scheme.

violets are blue
and roses are red
I'd like to have Josh
lying in my bed
incredibly inventive mind, hair askew and ears alert
Carl the friar makes hearts melt
with his impeccable sartorial flavour
make us fangirls dr00l and slaver
J is for Jockey shorts, casually discarded,
O is for Offering bad coffee before you get started.
S is for Sheets which get rumpled and wrinkled,
H is for (not) Hitting the target when you go tinkle.
in UN beret blue
his angry eyes spark
dancing dorky too
we jsut love our Mark

(waldman of course)
Diver Dan
he's the man
or fully dressed
he's the man I like best
By gum and by gosh,
Today I shall wash
And thoroughly splosh
That filthy boy, Josh.
Bondage! 'Tis a lovesome thing,
To see a nerd all trussed with string.
So on this fine satanic morn,
I vote for Richard Shorkinghorn.
Oh this is exciting!
My sheets, towels, and napkins are covered with writing!

The walls and the pillows are also defiled,
Along with the rugs and the white bathroom tile.

EEK! The drapes and the sofa with black ink are spoiled!
"Were you attacked by a toddler?" -- "Nay! 'twas Jim Doyle!"


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