Dessicated Coconut

Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

Gondor Edition

What to do when....

Figure 1

1.  Your Character Is Hijacked By Revisionists

1.       Do not struggle, panic, or call attention to yourself.  Calmly allow other characters to bear the brunt of the script changes.

2.       Using swift, smooth motions, quietly extricate yourself from the scene.

3.       Make a signal fire:  Insert a spindle in the loop of the bow.  Take the hand socket in your left hand.  Lubricate the notch.  Place the rounded end of the spindle into the dish of the fireboard and the pointed end into the hand socket.

4.       Draw the bow back and forth, rotating the spindle, until smoke appears.

5.       Add pine needles and wood shavings to the dish, then larger kindling and small sticks.

6.       Place the DVD on top of the fire.

Figure 2

2.  Your Father Sends You On A Suicide Mission
1.  First, check for fang marks and exit wounds.  Apply cold compresses or tourniquets to the affected area.  Do not attempt to suck the venom out yourself.
2.  Avoid retaliating with mace or pepper spray, as this has not been invented yet.
3.  If you cannot escape through the door, make a tent of wet towels or curtains at a nearby window, and conceal yourself inside.  Remain still.  Your attacker's lunch may distract him, allowing you to crawl to safety at the first opportunity.

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