Mood:
accident proneReady? Here we go. 58 steps to David Wenham.
1. I have a brother.
2. My brother once got into a fistfight with John F. Kennedy Jr. when they were kids.
3. JFK Jr. dated Daryl Hannah.
4. Daryl Hannah was in Splash with Tom Hanks.
5. Tom Hanks was in A League of Their Own with baseball.
6. At baseball games, people eat peanuts.
7. Peanuts recently underwent a mass recall in the US due to reports of salmonella.
8. Salmon are tasty poached in a white wine sauce.
9. Mermaids are also tasty poached in a white wine sauce.
10. Daryl Hannah played a mermaid in Splash.
11. Did we already mention Tom Hanks was in Splash? We did? Oh, crap.
12. Tom Hanks was also in Forrest Gump with Richard Nixon.
13. Richard Nixon had a cocker spaniel named Checkers.
14. Checkers is a game played on a board with 64 squares.
15. Chess is also a game played on a board with 64 squares.
16. Chess has these sort of horsey-looking pieces called knights.
17. Christopher Knight played Peter on "The Brady Bunch".
18. Henry V attacked France in 1415 with a bunch of knights.
19. Kenneth Branagh appeared in Henry V, alongside a crate of tennis balls.
20. Roger Federer plays tennis.
21. You know who else plays tennis? Venus Williams.
22. So does Andre Agassi.
23. Andre Agassi was in those Gillette razor commercials about 94,000 years ago. The ones where he shaved his head? Remember?
24. Razors are close personal friends with beards.
25. Father Damien had a beard.
26. Father Damien lived in Hawaii.
27. Remember when the Brady Bunch went to Hawaii? That was cool.
28. Pineapple comes from Hawaii.
29. Pineapple guest-stars in pina coladas along with coconut.
30. Desiccated coconut makes a good dessert topping and mental distraction device.
31. Euw! I hate coconut.
32. I also hate brussels sprouts.
33. Brussels is the capital of Belgium.
34. Father Damien was from Belgium.
35. Father Damien was Catholic.
36. So was Pope Joan (more or less)
37. In Pope Joan, Vikings attack.
38. The Vikings played the Chicago Bears last year.
39. Chicago was overrun by gangsters in the 1930s.
40. Johnny Depp is playing a gangster in the upcoming film Public Enemies.
41. Johnny Depp was in Pirates of the Caribbean with Orlando Bloom.
42. Orlando Bloom was in Lord of the Rings with Liv Tyler.
43. I once got into a fight with Liv Tyler's mother on an Amazon.com comment thread.
44. Amazon.com has many fine movies for sale, including 300.
45. Gerard Butler was in 300.
46. Gerard Butler was in Phantom of the Opera.
47. Also an opera: Jerry Springer: The Opera.
48. Jerry Springer once wheeled a teenaged vampire in a coffin onto the set of his show.
49. Richard Roxborough played a vampire in Van Helsing.
50. Hugh Jackman was in Van Helsing.
51. Hugh Jackman was also in Australia with Nicole Kidman.
52. Nicole Kidman was in Far and Away with Rance Howard.
53. Rance Howard was in Frost/Nixon with Kevin Bacon.
54. Bacon comes from pigs.
55. There was a pig in Cosi.
56. Pigs like to eat food no longer fit for human consumption, such as moldy garlic bread.
57. Moldy garlic bread featured prominently in Three Dollars.
58. Bread, bread, bread....that reminds me of something...
Oh yes:
There! I knew eventually somehow, some way, we could work David in there.
And you, dear reader, perusing this post? At most, 59 degrees of separation! Whoa...you and David are practically BFFs!
