The ROTK Video Game
Hm, that was one odd morning. I still haven't figured out what to do about the car key. (See previous entry, below.)

In the meantime, let's talk about the Return of the King video game from Electronic Arts. Faramir is one of the secret characters that can be unlocked, along with Pippin and...uh...some guy....and some other guy...... *makes mental note to do better research next time* There's an interview with David Wenham that is accessible to players who reach the topmost level. I've seen transcripts around, and am trying to track one down so I can post it here.

I tried this game out on my sister's laptop at Christmas. It quickly became apparent that I had no chance of ever unlocking any secret characters, let alone seeing the interview. I was worse than hopeless at it. The sequence of button pushing needed to operate the swords was beyond me. I couldn't even get past level 1. Frodo kept getting carried off by Nazgul. Sam kept falling down, attacking the masonry, or trying to stab Frodo. The dozens of vaguely Faramir-ish Rangers running around the place were also distracting. After several hundred premature deaths, I finally grasped that staying out in the open, beneath the Nazgul, wasn't a good idea. It made the characters weaker and more susceptible to death blows.

Eventually, with only a few severed arteries, I succeeded in herding the characters into the sewers, only to find a metal grate blocking the way. As I hunted in vain for some kind of switch thingy, the screen went black. It was like one of those nightmares where something's chasing you and you can't open the door to get into your house. Or, you're trying to get out of your car and the key snaps in half.

So instead, I've had to rely on the kindness of others to find out what David says in the interview. The gist of it is that he believes Faramir is a good character to unlock because he has an ideal combination of fighting skills. Evidently David succeeds in killing a bad guy, because he holds the controls and yells "Yesss!" Or it could be good acting.

Having now played the game, and compared it to the movie, I have to give super props to David for 1) not stabbing his own men 2) not falling down and twitching when confronted with Orcs at Osgiliath 3) not leading Sam and Frodo into a dead-end grating. It ain't easy remembering to press shift-control-A-tab-left arrow-left arrow-blue-up-delete-tab-space bar-X when the cameras are rolling and the bad guys are in your face.

make_it_stop's morning
This morning, I performed an emergency plastic-ectomy on the cat, who was doing his level best to swallow a 12" wad of cling wrap; elbowed a bowl of salsa onto the kitchen floor (and walls, and cabinets, and ceiling); snapped my car key off inside the door; and discovered that somebody cracked into the office server last night and is using it to store gobs and gobs of porn.

Some days, I feel as though I'm trapped inside a Murray Whelan novel.

Brain Wedgies
Now Playing: A little decorative piano
Send help.

For the last 10 days, I have had the theme from "Seachange" playing in my head. Not the main theme, but the catchy, reggae-flavored end theme. La la, la la la, la la la la....

This isn't the first time it's happened. After I watched A Little Bit Of Soul, "Ain't Nobody Here But Us Chickens" reverberated in my cranium for the next month and a half. It displaced "Open All Night" from Better Than Sex, which in turn displaced "Into the West" from ROTK, which was at the top of my mental charts for roughly 800 weeks.

Scientifically, tunes that get stuck in your head are known as "ear worms", "song plants", or "brain wedgies". Nobody knows why certain people are more susceptible than others. The only cure is to replace it with a fresh tune, or to pawn it off on someone else by humming it under your breath. My musical stream of consciousness gets set off by the slightest stimulus: a snippet of music, a phrase overheard in conversation, reading a road sign.

And the sign said long-haired freaky-looking people need not apply...

See?

So Seachange it is, for the foreseeable future. Thankfully, I have not yet fallen victim to Machine Gun Fellatio (from Gettin' Square), or the tense opening credits of The Bank. It's only a matter of time.

Generally, I love the music that has been used on David Wenham's films. Better Than Sex has a cool, edgy, jazzy soundtrack that captures the urban, twenty-something atmosphere of the film. A Little Bit Of Soul used Louis Jordan to great effect, as well as one of my favorite Tom Waits tunes ("In The Cold, Cold Ground"). The Seachange main theme, with its steady beat and jangled, repeated slide guitar phrase, conveys the frayed nerves and repetitive daily routines that drove Laura Gibson to flee the city and seek refuge in a remote seaside village. The slide guitar is later used (less frantically) to evoke Pearl Bay's lotus-eating, lackadaisical daily rhythms.

Most notably, there is the Lord of the Rings soundtrack, with its memorable motifs for every place and character. Faramir's theme is a gentle, haunting pan-pipe phrase, heard as he rides out from the city on the suicide charge, and also, more subtly, during his exchange with Denethor. It suits his character perfectly. Rumor has it Howard Shore has created new music for the "Houses of Healing" scene to be included in the Extended Edition. My guess is it will be Enya singing "FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!" in Sindarin.

Sword Love
Mood:  amorous
Now Playing: As Good As It Gets II: The Worsening
I feel your pain, PFaz. I had all sorts of righteous intentions for the summer as well (plant tomatoes, volunteer at the local Audubon refuge, take up surfing), and I'm still waiting for the warm weather to start.

So what IS the deal with no Fara-phenilia at the current LOTR exhibit in Boston? From the sound of it, the exotic Middle Earth races are heavily represented (hobbits, elves, Orcs), with very little Gondor stuff aside from a banner, a helmet, and Dead Boromir In A Boat. Surely they could have made a little extra room for Faramir's beautiful Ranger outfit, and/or his sword (unofficially known as Angstduril, or Walter; since Tolkien didn't see fit to give it a name).

I adore Angstduril/Walter, almost to the point of fetish. The green leather grip, the shiny pommel and beautifully balanced fullering, the two seabirds etched onto the hilt. It has a straight hand guard, whereas the other Gondorian swords all have crescent hand guards. According to the official "Big Geeky Popup Book Of LOTR Arms And Armor", the straight hand guard is characteristic of ancient Numenorean weapons, while the crescent hand guard was adopted in later years. It was said of Faramir that Numenorean blood ran almost true in his veins, and his unique sword design reflects that status.

I'm just floored by the amount of care and attention that was lavished on the costumes, furniture, and props in the LOTR movies. The level of craftsmanship is astounding, considering how fleeting most of the appearances were. Distinct architectural, metallurgical, textile, and woodworking styles were developed for every culture. I'm really looking forward to seeing the exhibit in person.

But it still would have been better with Walter.


For an excellent and incredibly detailed analysis of Faramir's costume, visit Fileg's Toronto Exhibition page.

PFazzzz
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: hard to get
May I vent?? The kids go back to school on the 30th...the *30th*...where has summer gone??? The weather has reeked, time has flown, I didnt do any of my summer proooo-jects thanks to the computer, and now it's almost over. AND Faramirs costume isnt going to be in Boston. Just thought I'd throw that in. I can blame the whole world on that since it is such a huge and enormas loss. I'm fraught and feeling like Piggy...without the conch...

To quote MIS - Where is sanity???

Let's Help The Africa
Mood:  suave
Nice, PFaz. I agree totally.

Today's title comes from a Japlish T-shirt owned by my sister-in-law. I'm a huge fan of Japlish. Japlish is the art of sticking random English words together and putting them onto T shirts and tote bags, like "Big Wednesday" or "Parachuting -- It Seem Casual!" (more examples are at engrish.com) Plus, of course, there are the classic Bad Captions For FOTR, Bad Captions For TTT, and Bad Captions for ROTK

But, I digress.

After vowing from here to Sunday I would never do so, lately I've been dipping into the strange and wonderful world of Faramir fan fiction. There's an entire underground cottage industry of fans who write stories based on Tolkien characters. The tales run the gamut from excellent to downright frightening (two words: "hobbit nipples"). I've learned not to click deeply into a story archive while eating.

Along the way, I discovered the peculiar sub-genre known as "slash", wherein characters of the same sex are paired up romantically (if they aren't already paired up within the story). Frodo/Sam and Aragorn/Legolas seem to be the most popular couples, but sometimes the pairings are completely random, as if the author spun a roulette wheel beforehand. Haldir/Gandalf. Pippin/Grima. Faramir/Sauron. Merry/Nazgul #3. Characters who never spoke to each other in the book, who never even came within 500 miles of each other, are all of a sudden expressing their undying love and humping like rabbits.

What amuses me is that all of this is about as far from Tolkien as you could possibly get. His prose doesn't exactly drip with eroticism. (To be fair, he never said that Legolas DIDN'T have hot gay sex with Eomer.) It's like entering a strange alternate universe where up is down and black is white and Aragorn owns the entire Bette Midler catalogue. My theory is that since the vast majority of slash authors are female, and the vast majority of Tolkien characters are male, slash is a veiled way of inserting themselves into the story.

Stranger yet are the slash crossover fics, where Legolas goes on a date with Achilles, or Giles from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" has a nine-way with the Fellowship. In these stories, fictional universes collide, with strange results. I was one of those kids who hated it when the peas touched the mashed potatoes, and crossover fics just squick me out. I'm sorry, but Star Trek people don't belong in Middle Earth. It is an abomination in the sight of the Lord.

But still amusing, nevertheless.

Princess Blog
Mood:  not sure
Okay, are these people drinking too many flat whites??? Or industrial black shorts?? The man has a huge range and should never be pigeonholed. Did anyone even think of Faramir while watching The Boys? Did Alex remind you of Lenny? Did Josh remotely resemble Father Damien? Okay, they both did make the earth move in their own special way, but come on, the man is a genius. I will say no more.

ON a side note, I'm so glad they label novels. Mostly b/c so many people dont read and therefore dont know what a novel is...KIDDING!!


Pardon me, I'm having a Molokia interview obsession...

Erin Go Blog
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: 19th-Century Polka Ballads of the Upper Peninsula
Well, OK, so my name isn't Erin...but I am half-Irish. That should count for something, right?

One of the things that really impresses me about David is the slow evolution of his roles over the years. Gradually, he's gone from playing generic background characters with names like "Hotel Guard #2", to nerds and psychopaths, and more recently to bewildered men approaching midlife and battered by the demands of fin de siecle masculinity. Roles like Alex in "After the Deluge", Murray Whelan, and the forthcoming "Three Dollars" contain tremendous emotional depth and complexity. It takes a very skilled, nuanced performer to portray these men convincingly.

The conventional rap against David (if you can call it that) is that he's too goofy and singular-looking to play leading romantic men. Au contraire, mon frere. As the French say, it is to snort. Seachange and Better Than Sex should have laid that charge to rest years ago. I mean...just...look at him. Besides, David's true strength lies in portraying the edgy and eccentric and real. Airbrushed romantic heroes are boring and forgettable. Give us multi-directional hanks of red hair, and that sweet Aussie accent!

Gondor Bros. Dry Cleaning
Mood:  accident prone
Now Playing: Scrabble
Test passed, PFaz!

Today's topic: The FTA. Over the past year, the U.S. and Australia have been involved in a series of high-level negotiations for bilateral free trade. I don't know all the specifics, but my impression is that in exchange for access to American markets for Australian farmers and agribusiness, the Australian government is prepared to make concessions that will impact its film and television industry. Namely, the weakening of protective measures, and failure to set local-content quotas. That could prove very bad for the industry, which is already dominated by global processes.

Numerous Aussie actors have spoken out against this threat to their culture and livelihood. I have to agree 100% here; if anything, given the sorry state of U.S. television, I think the trade imbalance should run in the other direction. I'd much rather watch a series like After The Deluge than Am I Hot Or Not? At least Aussie television doesn't actively try to kill your brain cells. I would also hate to see a situation where Aussie filmmakers and actors are forced to compete against one another for scarce jobs and resources. We already don't see enough of David Wenham in the U.S. as it is.

As long as I'm ranting, I'll close with a minor pet peeve of mine: Why are modern-day fiction books ALWAYS labelled as "A Novel"? For example, Snow Falling On Cedars: A Novel. Are the publishers worried we won't recognize it as such? That we might mistake it for an encyclopedia, or a set of dinner forks? It seems vaguely redundant and pretentious, a shorthand indication to the buyer that You Are In The Presence Of Literary Greatness. If I ever write a novel, I'm going to insist that it be labelled "A Bunch Of Paper Covered In Squiggles".

Is this labelling practice going to extend to other consumer areas? Cheerios: A Cereal. Sony: A Television. Etc.

-- make_it_stop: a ranting nutcase

Mood:  flirty
Ok, this is a test to see if I can get the image working: