Dessicated Coconut

Osgiliath Dictionary: D - F


dagorlad (n.) One who loves dagorlasses.

D'arwen Awards (n.) Annual honor bestowed on an actor for Silliest Death Scene/Silliest Rationale for "Fading".

deeping comb (n.) Personal grooming tool which leaves hair looking even more dirty and tangled than before.

Deñata (n.) Gondorian children's party game. When whacked with a staff, it releases candy.

denedruff (n.) Royal scalp condition worsened by stress and oil.
As Pippin brushed denedruff off the Steward's shoulders, he reflected that 1) black velvet robes really weren't such a good idea, and 2) his new master was entirely too flaky for his liking.

denegrate (v., military) To set your offspring up for failure, then berate them for failing.
Benedict was denegrated by his father for failing to hold Fort Ticonderoga with five men and a pointy stick.

Denethon (n.) To run a very, very long distance while on fire.
"Oh, that?" said Sylvia, glancing at the urn on the mantelpiece. "That's my great-grandfather, who won the Denethon in Athens in 1898. He also lit the torch."

dernhelm! (interj.) What Viggo Mortensen yelled when he broke his toe on the Orc helmet.

the Differently Bathed (n.) Euphemism for dirty Dunedain.
Sssh! Aragorn's not filthy, he's Differently Bathed. You'll hurt his feelings.

dommentary (n., after Dominic Monaghan) Film commentary of an amusing nature, by a cast member, crew member, relative, or friend.
Ned’s dommentary during the coronation scene had us all in stitches.

dunedisdain (n.) The belief that elves are too vain and ornamental for battle.
Chastened by Aragorn's dunedisdain, the celebimbo retreated to the Hornburg to freshen his peach lip gloss.

dwalin (v.) 1. Dweepin' and dworryin'. 2. To dwoggedly hunt dwown a dwhoppin', dwater-wdwellin' dwenizen of the dweep (see Moby Dwick).

dwarrowdelft (n.) Delicate blue and white dwarven china, typically depicting charming mining and decapitation scenes.

dwimmerlock (n.) Thick cable used to secure a Fell Beast to a bicycle rack while its owner is inside having ice cream.


éadig (v., colloq.) To grooooove on the horse scene, baby.
Yo, Daddy-o, like I totally éadig your whole equestrian trip, y'know? *snap*

Eärendilbert (n.) A mariner and office drone, who was given a choice by the Pointy-Haired-Manwe to accept either a thankless promotion or a new box of paper clips. His star, also known as The Frustrated Paper-Pusher of Westernesse, shines at dawn with the light of a thousand photocopiers.

Echthelium (n.) Denethor's lightweight, high-voiced father.

edorable (adj.) Milder form of "gondorable". Also see rohandsome.
Bob's edorable, but I wish he'd stop wearing those hair extensions.

edoraspberry (n.) A horsey lip-blow sound.
"Ppbpppbpppbpbpp!" added Firefoot in a taunting edoraspberry, as his master took out two mumakil with one spear.

eldariglare (v.) To stare reproachfully at somebody who is daydreaming about you.
Arwen could hardly bear her future son’s eldariglare. In a small way, she felt responsible for his existence.

elessarcasm (n.) Snarky comment made by the King.
"Eternal darkness...Well, that's just GREAT," said Aragorn, while Merry sniggered appreciatively at his rapier-sharp elessarcasm.

Elf-help section (n.) Special section of the bookstore devoted to helping elves self-actualize. Titles include I'm Condescending, You're Condescending, Chicken Soup for the Sindar Soul and Who Moved My Flet? The founder of the movement, Elrond Hubbard, now lives in a quiet but heavily guarded compound in the Undying Lands.

Elfstain (n.) A gift of green creamed spinach, bestowed upon Aragorn's shirt at lunchtime in Lorien.

elrondomatopoeia (n.) Delicate elven sound effects. Examples include tink!, fwisssh!, *frown*, Narsil! and the sound of hobbits gleefully jumping on beds.

elvendetta (n.) Family feud among the First-Born. Elvendettas are often undertaken in response to “dwarvendettas”. A dispute involving Elrond is known as a “rivendetta”.

Emerahil (n.) Chef of Dol Amroth. Specializing in blackened Orc, Emerahil's trademark line, "BAM! Kick it up to the next Minas Tier!" could be heard echoing above the field of conflict.

Emyn Em (n). Desolate land of slim, shady rocks.

endless stare (n.) Euphemism for death. Also see horn cloven in two.
Bad news, Your Majesty. Theodred is ....he's....well, he's got the Endless Stare.

Enrond (n.) Accountant elf who stayed behind in Rivendell to cook the books.

ent-draft (v.) To create an army in response to a long-gone threat, after decades of slow debate and dithering. More generally, to close the barn door after the horse has been stolen.
My grandfather was finally Ent-drafted into the navy, thirty years after the war ended and his country had ceased to exist.

enterrogate (v.) To slowwwwly ask questions, and slowwwwwly draw obvious conclusions.
"Okay," the cop said, six hours into the enterrogation. "I think it's fair to say that you aren't a watermelon or other fruit-based life form."

éomerchandise (n.) Karl Urban-themed lunchboxes, dolls, gewgaws, hair clippers, giant foam fingers, etc.

éonnui (n.) Fatigue brought on by constant confusion between similar LOTR character names, e.g. Sauron/Saruman, Theoden/Theodred, and so on.
Disoriented by éonnui, Eowyn married her own brother by mistake.

éored (adj.) Flushed vermilion hue caused by proximity to Éomer or Éowyn (as appropriate). Also see barrow-white.
Why is your neck all éored? And covered with Riddermarks?

éor-lingus (n.) (of a horse) The act of reviving your half-dead master by licking his/her face.

éorude (adj.) Someone who insults horses.
"I know you don't think Yosemite Sam mudflaps belong on horses, but you didn't have to be so éorude about it," Theodred whispered, lower lip a-tremble.

éouillabaisse (n.) (ear-WHEE-ya-base) Traditional Rohirric "courting stew", consisting of rancid shrimp and WD-40.
"All your eouillabaisse are belong to us," Éomer squealed lustily.

éoxchange (v.) To abruptly ditch a long-time romantic partner for somebody else, without offering any explanation.
Once it became apparent that he was already spoken for, Aragorn was discreetly éoxchanged for Faramir.
After sixteen years of marriage, Jody éoxchanged her husband for the pizza delivery boy.

erebored (adj.) Lonely Mountain, mid-10 millions (but look 5 million years old), gneiss guy, non-smoker, minimal erosion. Would like to meet other outcroppings for long crouches on the beach, wrathful burying of trespassers, and orogenous poetry readings. No glacial deposits or foothills please.

Ered Nimrazor (n.) Special Middle Earth shaving tool with two settings: Scruffy (Three-Day Stubble) and Wizard (Eight-Hundred-Year-Beard).

extended addition (n.) Extra room added on to one's house for the purpose of displaying movie-related collectibles (Argonath bookends, Gollum statues, polystone Minas Tiriths, Sean Astin)

extended perdition (n.) Special circle of torment reserved for people waiting for the ROTK Extended Edition to come out.
"What's the matter with Frances?"
"Oh, she's in Extended Perdition right now."


Falco Boffin (n.) Hobbit whose hit single "Springle-Ding Me, Amadeus" propelled him to quick fame and equally quick obscurity.

fangorge (v.) To devour food with much rustling and heaving, leaving not a single trace afterwards.

faramiracle (n.) An instant transformation: from lying on the floor charred and half-dead, to being perfectly healthy and hitched to some gal you've never met before. More generally used to validate missing scenes.
"What happened to Merry after the WiKi encounter?"
"Well, you see, there was this faramiracle..."

faramirage (n.) A character who is a mere phantom of his or her book self. By extension, someone who appears noble at first, but later devolves into a lesser, corrupt version.
I thought he was Mr. Right, but it turned out to be a faramirage.

fara-well (n.) "If I should return, think better of me."

Fazgul (n.) (Australian fazzy, dim. of Faramir + Old Mordor gul, swooner) Faramir fans who have fallen under the dark dominion of the One Redhead. Also known as Wen-wraiths. See also Bozgul, Schnozgul, Eogul, Aragul, Orligul, Frodogul, etc.
The video store clerk crouched in fear as the cold shadow of the Fazgul passed by. What were they looking for? Earlier that morning, four mysterious halflings had rented the only copy of “Better Than Sex”. Was there a connection?

figwitness (n.) One who has beheld Figwit the Elf, and feels compelled to testify. (v.) The act of proclaiming Figwit’s brief moment of glory to unbelievers.
”No, he really does exist,” Denise figwitnessed insistently. “He stood there and said ‘My lady, we cannot delay.’ I heard him.”

File of Galadriel (n.) Galadriel's secret gift to Sam. "May it be an organizational tool to you in messy places."

Finduilias complex (n., psychology) The impulse to dress your date in your mother's clothes.
As Gretchen donned the clam-diggers and pillbox hat, she began to suspect that Marco had a slight Finduilias complex.

firefoot (n.) Popular Rohirric prank involving a match, a hoof, and an unwary rider.

fletcherous (adj.) Coveting the Lothlorien tree-dwelling lifestyle.
I caught my fletcherous husband out in the woods with a hammer and some 2 x 4s.

Foe-socket wrench (n.) A precursor to "Foe-hammer", Foe-socket wrench and Foe-caulking gun were wielded by Gandalf to little effect, though they did result in a rather nice partitioned bathroom with recessed track lighting inside the Tomb of Moria.

focus on the moth (v.) Look on the bright side of life.
Okay, so we're upside down in a ditch with multiple internal injuries, and nuclear winter just started. Let's focus on the moth.

Frocrastinate (v.) I'll get right on that But first, another sandwich.

frodafro (n.) Curly hairstyle favored by Shire hobbits. Var. ‘frodofro’
"I feel pretty," thought Elijah, as the frodafro was applied to his head.

frodian slip (v.) To accidentally reveal your subconscious craving for the One Ring. Examples include inappropriate use of the word "precious", and momentary fangs.

frodoggerel (n.) Any poem containing the phrases "rilly-dilly", "tra", "Tomnoddy", or "ya-harri-hey".

froD'OH! (interj.) A major, world-ending screwup. The moment when you arrive in Mordor, and realize you accidentally left the One Ring on the nightstand at the Prancing Pony.
"Whoops", said Ronald Reagan, pushing the red button. "I think I just committed a froD'OH."

Frodon't (interj.) advice given to hobbits considering wearing or claiming evil Rings.
Major FRODON'Ts: 
* FroDON'T pet the nice birdy with the black thing riding on top. 
* FroDON'T follow the tricksy eyes into the Dead Marsh.  (Swampwater in which corpses have been steeping for 3,000 years is very bad for the complexion.)

frodo-si-do (v.) To climb on a table and spin around with your short, inebriated friend.

frodote (v.) To admire, love, dream, and otherwise obsess over hobbits.

frodozoa (n.) Microscopic organisms that have accidentally come into contact with the Ring, and turned into bacteria-wraiths.
As he handed his master some lunch, Sam was unaware that an entire colony of frodozoa had just transferred onto his sandwich.


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