radaghast (adj.) Appalled by the unseemly behavior of your wizarding colleagues.

 

Rammas Accordion (n.) Giant, pleated wall enclosing the Pelennor Fields. Rumor has it that Sauron's forces were held in check for many years by its ability to play polkas and Edith Piaf tunes.

 

Rammas Kinkade - Painter of Walls(tm).  (n.) Artist who specializes in cozy Pelennor cottage scenes, with corpses strewn nostalgically amongst the eerily glowing pink gardens and cutesy-poo stone bridges.

Two weeks after visiting the Rammas Kinkade gallery at the mall, Nadia was once again able to sit up and take solids.

 

Raurosin (n.) Sticky substance that allows dead people to stay inside boats as they plunge over 100-ft. waterfalls.

 

riddermarks (n.) small sores and indentations left by riding crops, horse-shaped nosepieces, and Rohickeys.

After vacationing in Edoras, Letitia had to wear a turtleneck for three days to cover up all of her riddermarks.

 

Riddermark(tm) (n.) Brand of Rohirric acne cream, popularized by the following jingle: How many of Mark's riddermarks would Riddermark rid, if Riddermark could rid Mark's marks?

 

Riddermarketing (n.) 1) A tourism campaign advertising the relaxing benefits of a stay in Rohan. 2) A P.R. campaign on behalf of a vast tract of empty land.

"Big Sky Country" was already taken, so the Riddermarketing executives had to settle for "Lots And Lots And Lots And Lots And Lots Of Empty Space".

 

Ring-borer (n.) Someone who can't stop talking about their "adventures" and how they "saved the world" from "ultimate evil".

 

ringratiating (adj.) Overly deferential and flattering to Ring-Bearers, with the aim of getting close enough to throttle them.

 

rivendellegate (v.) To entrust the most dangerous and difficult task to the smallest, weakest member of your group.

 

Rohanatkinson's Disease (n.) A compulsion to engage in horse-related slapstick.

 

rohandsome (adj.) see edorable

 

roharem (n.) Female horse groupies.

 

ropyrrhic victory (adj.) Okay, so you didn't all die at Helm's Deep. But your crops are ruined, your cattle slaughtered, your homes burned, your land salted, and the local Wal-Mart went out of business. And now you have to go fight in a battle 10 times bigger.

 

 

samateur (n.) A ring-bearer accomplice who has not yet turned professional.

Hey! What's that Nike swoosh doing on Sam's shirt? I thought he was still a samateur.

 

samenities (n.) Utterly useless items carried along on a hike: spices, woks, magnifying glasses, Pippin.

 

sammath naurtilus (n.) Weight-lifting regime which includes: Hobbit Bench-Presses, Ring Dangles, and Finger Extension & Release.

 

sarumanella (n.) Food poisoning caused by minute, possessed bacteria.

 

sarumanhandle (v.) To cut a major character out of the final theatrical release of a trilogy, leaving his fate unresolved.

 

saurmonocle (n.) Large, singular corrective lens fitted into place at Barad-Dur at the beginning of the Third Age. Once Sauron hit the big 4-0-0-0, he suddenly found he couldn't read restaurant menus as well.

As the Shadow grew, it had the added benefit of cutting down on the number of random brushfires started by the sun refracting through the saurmonocle.

 

Sauron!!...Sauroff! (n.) Jingle from TV commercial used to sell electronic device that turns flaming eyeballs on and off with the clap of a hand.

Being unable to take physical form, and missing a finger, Sauron had trouble using his new Evil Clapper.

 

Saurround Sound (n.) The amplification of lifelike evil noises (screams, whooshes, crashes).

 

schadenfrodo (n.) Odd feeling of pleasure derived from watching another's disintegration and suffering.

"Better him than me," thought Sam, and immediately felt ashamed of his momentary schadenfrodo.

 

seantificate (v., movie commentary) To deliver lengthy, esoteric jeremiads on the dialectic of evil while your friends are making crude wee-wee jokes. synonym: bombastin

 

second dreck-fest (n.) 1. a horrible sequel to a horrible movie 2. an unpleasant situation which repeats itself

“Oh, man,” moaned Sergei as he staggered out of Leprechaun 2, “that was definitely a second dreck-fest.”

 

shelobjet d'art (n.) Artistically arranged flies and skeletons. (Also see "Fangorn Shui").

 

shelobsess (v.) To lie awake at night worrying that a spider will drop from the ceiling into your open mouth as soon as you fall asleep.

 

Shire wreckening (v.) synonym for "scouring"

 

shirony (n.) The realization that, even though you have been traipsing all around Middle-earth and come home wearing a really nifty outfit, you can still be upstaged by a pumpkin.

 

show your quality (v.) Middle-Earth euphemism for "stealing" or "five finger discount".

Yo, Frank...let's go "show our quality" at the Kwikee-Mart.

 

silmarillion (n.) An amount greater than a gazillion, but less than a jillion.

Thus far, LOTR has raked in silmarillions of dollars in ticket sales and merchandising.

 

simpelmynde (n.) Small white, star-shaped flower commemorating stupidity.

The simpelmynde is spreading like a carpet over at Pippin's house.

 

smeagle (n.) Evil, ring-lusting bird of prey. Compare "deagle".

Oh no, Mr. Frodo...it's a smeagle! Run! Oh wait...we're surrounded by lava. Never mind.

 

sporc (n.) A cross between a spoon and an orc.

Saruman thought the new breed of sporcs might have an advantage in battle if they didn't have to lug dining utensils.

 

Springle Ding (n.) Damage to private property caused by overly vigorous hobbit dancing.

The morning after the birthday party, Tolman Cotton found that most of the tables he'd loaned Bilbo were pocked with springle dings.

 

stewardor (n.) Intense devotion to Gondor's care-takers. (var.: stewardent)

 

Stink (n.) Bilbo's first sword, Stink released an atomized spray of Chanel No. 5 whenever Orcs were in the vicinity. Unfortunately, Stink tended to alert the Orcs to Bilbo's presence as well.

 

Sundering Sneeze (n.) A tremendous, juicy sneeze that ends the party and cuts you off from all further social interaction.

 

surf the stairs (colloq.) Jump the shark.

Sooooo....when did LOTR surf the stairs for you?

 

Sword of Haleth (n.) The thing you get stuck with after everybody else has had first pick.