In a surprise announcement yesterday, Roy Disney announced plans for a new addition to the Epcot World Showcase. "Not so much a new country, but a new realm," Disney explained. "The realm of Gondor".

 

Visitors will be treated to several levels of the mythical city of Minas Tirith, complete with the White Tree of Gondor, which will appear dead but will magically "bloom" every evening during the fireworks display.

 

Instead of Disney movie characters roaming the streets to greet children, Gondorian soldiers in full armor and citizens in somber tones passing out flowers will be on hand. "Denethor" in full fur will lurk around scowling at passerby and scaring children. For the ladies, Faramir and Boromir look-alikes will be making surprise appearances. "There'll be two sets," Disney added, "one blond/redhead for the film buffs, another ravenhaired/gray eyed for purists." There may even be a Gondor kissing booth!!!

 

And if it gets too overwhelming, victims of swooning will be taken to the first aid tent to be healed by "Aragorn". "That's his only appearance," Disney hastily added. "We know who the real stars are". Although Disney refused to comment, sources say he's been acquiring information by visiting several so-called swooning threads to check swoonability statistics.

 

Several game and ride ideas have been floated but not finalized, including the following:

 

Storm Osgiliath with Faramir - ride alongside your favorite 'mir brother while ducking arrows and hacking up orcs.

 

Gandalf's Staff - use your skills to direct Gandalf's white light at flying nazgul.

 

Escape from Denethor Island - duck and run to avoid Denethor's flying criticisms and emotional cruelty. First person to reach Den and thwack him on the head gets a special prize from "Faramir".

 

At the Gift Shop, visitors will be able to buy child size Gondorian armor, swords, bows and arrows, nose squishing helmet, Boromir horn and shield, mini Faramir hauberk, plush Faramir to squeeze, silver goblets, and a replica palantir shaped like Mickey Mouse ears.

 

Restaurant menu: Gollum sushi, steak tartar, and hossenfeffer served rare.
Lembas bread, Gondor sandwiches, Denethor's fruit and veggie plate (cutlery not included, duck extra), Gondor foaming ale, Steward dribbling red wine, Faramir humble pie.

 

When asked why he is adding a fictitional "realm" instead of a real country, Disney shrugged. "There is no country that compares to Gondor when it comes to good looking men. Besides, several women we questioned thought Gondor was a real place and demanded Faramir's addresss. Why burst their bubble?"

 

Why, indeed.  The new Realm of Gondor is scheduled to open Year 3019 of the 3rd Age.

 

 

 

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