B
Bacon of Gondor (n.) 1. A Second Age warning system, which was abandoned when it was discovered that a)
sizzling doesn't carry to the next mountaintop and b) the guards were consuming the stockpiles.
2. Affectionate nickname
for the local constabulatory of Minas Tirith.
"Psst! Bacon of Gondor at six o'clock! Cheese it!" hissed Nick.
bag ending (n.) Among several false or premature endings, the scene that actually does conclude a movie.
"Was that the bag ending?"
"Nope, it's just the Grey Havens. We've got another forty minutes to
go."
balrogle (v.) To gawk nerdily at CGI creatures, while ignoring the human actors.
Mamacita! Check
out the digital compositing on those tentacles. I'd sure love to get into her source code.
balrug (n.) Asbestos toupee for covering flaming, demon-pattern baldness.
Barad-Durif (n.) Evil stone edifice which speaks with a Midwestern accent. Also known as "Grima Wormtower".
Barad Pitt (n.) Lousy movie which swallows acting careers whole.
Lordy, "Cool World" was a real
Barad Pitt.
barrow-white (adj.) Ghastly albino hue, caused by not having been outdoors in a very, very long time.
You look barrow-white...have you been hanging out on TORC?
bilboard (n.) Central advertising spot for "adventures".
I saw your ad for "Make $$$$ From The
Comfort Of Your Own Home! (some travel required)" on the bilboard, and thought I'd drop by for tea...
Bill the Puny (n.) Eentsy weentsy horse that tagged along with the Fellowship. Bill the Puny was carried
off by a cloud of midges five minutes after leaving the Prancing Pony, never to be seen again.
bloomerang (v.) To reappear again and again in subsequent movies as a result of being associated with
a hugely succesful blockbuster.
Thanks to the bloomerang effect, Leonardo was all set for at least ten years after
Titanic.
bodygardener (n.) Hybrid job title held by Sam.
As the hideous orc/marigold hybrids closed in
on Frodo, Sam the bodygardner brandished the Mulch of Galadriel and yelled "Back, you filth!"
bombadilly-dally (v.) To evade adult responsibility by embarking on frivolous hippie benders.
Cut
your hair, stop bombadilly-dallying, and get a job!
Bombadilli Vanilli (n.) Fake rap character who lip-synched all the stuff about strawberries and rilly-dilly
dingle-dells.
borometer (n.) A measuring device which detects sudden changes in narrative pressure.
According
to the borometer, Boromir no longer desires the Ring, because he's dead.
borrow-mir (v.) In borrowing an item (such as a ring), to cast doubt upon whether it will ever be returned.
My neighbor borrowmired my hedge clippers six months ago. Guess I'll have to buy new ones.
boromirth (n.) Amusement over hobbit antics, which often ends with a shin-kicking.
boyds of a feather (n.) Any of a number of diminutive, hobbit-portraying actors who bond together intensely
during filming of a trilogy in New Zealand.
breefund (n.) A money-back guarantee promised to a customer, with no intention of following through, because
you expect that they’ll be dead in the morning.
1. ”Oh yes,” smirked Barliman Butterbur to Mr. Underhill,
“You can have a full breefund if this room with the faulty lock proves unsatisfactory.”
2. As he tumbled
from the sky, Nazgul Number Four realized that he’d been sold a Fell Lemon, and there was no hope of collecting on the
breefund.
breemature (adj.) To feel a sense of relief at reaching journey's end, when in fact you have just begun.
Pippin's joy at reaching the Prancing Pony was breemature. Little did he know he would shortly wake up on a merchant
freighter, bound for Djakarta.
breetentious (adj.) Opposite of "pretentious". To appear to be smaller, cutier, and cozier than you really
are.
Breggae (n.) Music enjoyed by those with Theodreads.
bring me wood and oil (colloq.) Aaaah, $&(@(* it. Expression of extreme frustration.
I've
had it with this frip-frappin' jar of peanut butter. Bring me wood and oil.
