galadiance (n.) Multiple twinkling highlights on each pupil, caused by proximity to Christmas tree lights.
At the restaurant Sheila artfully seated herself across from her date, facing the lights in the front window, so that her eyes would sparkle with galadiance.

 

galadrill (n.) A practice run-through for a thermonuclear hissy fit. (v.) To pitch the mother of all tantrums without really meaning it.
No, I'm not really mad at you. It was just a galadrill.

 

Galadvil (n.) Over-the-counter remedy for headaches brought on by terrifying visions.
Pass the galadvil...we're coming up on the mirror scene.
(Joke-ruining note: "Advil" is a brand name for ibuprofen in the US)

 

Gamlinger (v.) To hang out at a battle just a little too long.

 

gandgulf (n.) A deep shaft, in which classical Newtonian physics are suspended.
Vanessa fell into the Gandgulf ten minutes after her sword, parachute, and breakfast burrito took the plunge; but she was able to overtake all of them quickly, slay the Balrog, and solve Fermat's last theorem before hitting bottom.

 

Gap of Rohan (n.) Trendy clothing store which sells sassy, low-rise armor and flared denim greaves.

 

Garlicbereth (n.) Greatly revered and feared Pizza Queen. 'Tis said that her speech, nay, her very presence caused instant death. Also known as Gilthonionel (Oven-Kindler).

 

gate tectonics (n.) The tendency of sinkholes, when emanating from evil fortresses, to stop right at the feet of the opposing army.

 

ghan-buried-ghan (adj.) A book character so completely cut out from the cinematic edition of LOTR, that nobody even remembers who they were. May also denote a friend that you haven't thought of in years.
"What happened to Goldberry?"
"Oh, didn't I tell you? She's ghan-buried-ghan."

 

gimleap (n.) A dwarf-toss.

 

give it to me raw and wriggling (interj.) 1) To ask for the unvarnished truth.
Don't sugarcoat it, Doc...give it to me raw and wriggling.
2) To express a preference for the purest, least watered-down version of something.
No, don't bother with the olive, the vermouth, or the little umbrella. Give me my vodka rrrraw, and wriggling.

 

glamstring (n.) A special, extrasensory Elven muscle that controls curvature of cheekbones and glistening of brows.
Figwit couldn't make it to Helm's Deep, because he'd pulled a glamstring.

 

glorfondle (v.) To neck with an elf.

 

glorinfidel (n.) One who believes Arwen was much better qualified to carry Frodo to the Ford.

 

go take a long, long, long, long flaming leap off a long, long, long pier (colloq.) Gondorian slang for "get lost!"

 

gon-dorian Gray (n.) Eternally youthful, dissipated knight with a bit of a Wilde streak.

 

gondorla (n.) Boromir’s funeral boat.

 

gondorphins (n.) Pleasurable neurotransmitters released in response to faramones.
The audience sighed as its collective gondorphin level climbed.

 

gondorrhea (n.) Also known as "Steward's Revenge". According to the guidebooks, you shouldn't drink the water at Minas Tirith.

 

gondorsal fin (n.) Nickname for a permanent cowlick of hair caused by wearing pointy Gondorian helmets.
Try as he might, Faramir couldn't make his gondorsal fin lie flat. And tonight was the big dance!

 

gondorsement (n.) Public approval of a product by a Steward for advertising purposes.
Following Denethor’s posthumous gondorsement of Scorch-O-Riffic® matches, sales caught fire.

 

gorebag (n.) Two-handled tote used by the Orcs to carry souvenir body parts.
Hands off my gorebag, Gorbag!!

 

gorgorgorp (n.) Unsavory mixture of rodent parts, dried mallorn bark, and chocolate skulls eaten by Orcs while trudging to the gates of Mordor.

 

Grammar Wormtongue (n.) Prim, annoying counselor who drove Theoden mad by continually correcting his speech.
"Ain't is improper English," scolded Grammar Wormtongue. "Say ai not instead."

 

grey cravens (n.) Irresistible yearning to watch the end of ROTK
Sheila, an expectant mom, was plagued by grey cravens.

 

Gray Heavings (n.) Bilbo and Frodo suffered a slight bout of "mal de mer" as their ship departed for the West.

 

Grey Pill Grim (colloq.) In a medicatively depressed state of mind.

 

grimoniker (n.) An unfortunate name that drives a character to a life of crime.
”Your name is Hissy Evilpants?” said Theoden. “You’re hired!”
Hissy smiled. No longer would the other kids make fun of his grimoniker.

 

Grishnakhov (n.) Famous Orc ballet dancer. Acclaimed for his virtuoso performances in Fell Beast Lake, Sleeping Ugly, and La Fille Mal Isengardee, Uruk-hail Grishnakhov grew up in the same area of Mordor where Orcs take "breathers" and order food from "menus".

 

grondolences (n.) An expression of sincere regret at having smashed in someone's gate.

 

Gwaihire (v.) To rent an eagle.

 

 

haldiridescent (adj.) Shiny, in the special way that only elves can be.

 

haldirt (n.) Elven tabloid gossip.

 

Halflint (n.) Crumbs and schmutz found in hobbits' pocketses.

 

haradar (n.) Uncanny ability to sense trespassers, kill them, and eulogize them.
The forest was quiet that day. Faramir's haradar tingled.

 

Helm Scissorhand (n.) King of Rohan. Accidentally destroyed all of the topiary in the Westfold. Died in the Second Age while running. Played by Johnny Depp.

 

Helm-lich maneuver (n.) The forceful ejection of elves, through the judicious application of explosives.

 

Helm's Deet (n.) Military-grade brand of mosquito repellant used by the Fellowship as they ventured through the Midgewater Marsh.

 

Helm's Depot (n.) Mountain chain store for fortress improvement supplies.
At Helm’s Depot, Gamling bought an Achilles Heel® sewer grate and a can of Snowboard-Eze stair lubricant.

 

Helm's Shallow (adj.) A person who attends battles mostly for the chance to watch hunky elves and hunky humans beating on each other hunkily, and dying hunky deaths.
You've got wallpaper of Haldir's death scene? That is so Helm's Shallow!

 

henneth annoy (v.) To pester the Rangers.
"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" asked Sam.
"Shutup! I'm getting henneth annoyed with you two," growled Damrod.

 

Henneth An-nun (n.) One who is sworn to a lifetime of poverty, obedience, chastity, and wasting oliphaunts with arrows.

 

henneth annunGGHHH!! (interj.) The moment in a 3-hour movie where, after you have consumed several wastebasket-sized sodas, a waterfall scene appears.

 

henneth enunciate (n.) To speak slowly and very clearly regarding the local fishing laws.
Good thing all the Rangers have been taught how to henneth enunciate, because you can’t see their faces under their hoods.

 

he's all that & a bag of nasssty chips (colloq.) A backhanded compliment.

 

hobbathos (n.) To wreck a beautiful passage or poem with the addition of a lame, anticlimactic coda. Examples of hobbathos include:

 

 

 

I came, I saw, I conquered. Then I had a snack.

 

horn cloven in two (colloq.) euphemism for "passed away". Variant: “it ain't over till the horn is cloven”.
Let us bow our heads in a moment of silence for Pepito the hamster, whose horn was prematurely cloven in two.

 

Houses of Peeling (n.) The sunburn ward at Minas Tirith.

 

Howard Spoor (n.) Fragments of soundtrack music that drift into your head, hatch, and take permanent root. Howard Spoor is extremely difficult to eradicate.

 

 

isengarden (v.) To alter a landscape by removing all plant life and/or paving it over.
After a few hours of isengardening with Agent Orange, Brad's "weed problem" was solved.

 

isengargle (v.) To cleanse one's mouth with Entwash.

 

Ishtari (n.) An ancient order of bloated, high-budget, very bad wizards. Compare atari, who were less sophisticated, crude in appearance, and carried around a supply of quarters with which to "resurrect" themselves.

 

Isildur's Air (n.) Kewl shieldboarding move.
"Wow," said Gimli in wonder, as Legolas shredded the staircase and did a stalefish tailgrab over Haldir. "So the legends of Isildur's Air are true...."

 

isuldither (v.) To spend an eternity making up your mind between addiction and responsibility. Destroy the Ring of Power, or keep it for yourself? Root canal, or a night at the slot machines? Free kibble for starving fuzzy puppies, or congressional pay raises? Isuldithering is intensely frustrating to watch.

 

Ithiliad (n.) Little-known crossover sequel to LOTR and prequel to "Troy", in which Orlando Bloom and Sean Bean attack Emyn Arnen inside a wooden horse as a practical joke on Faramir.

 

Ithillbilly (n.) Heeee haw! We done gone and turned the Forbidden Pool into a still!

 

 

jump the Sharkey (v.) (of a character) To disintegrate in value; to become superfluous and locked in a tower.
Saruman kind of jumped the Sharkey in the last movie, didn't he?

 

 

khazad-dummy (adj.) The person sitting next to you who shrieks at all the scary parts, causing your entire row to spill Mountain Dew.
The audience had not noticed the enormous spider, until the khazad-dummy helpfully pointed it out.

 

khazarole (n.) Mixture of baked dwarf glop, served in earthenware container. Traditional method of getting rid of cavern leftovers at the end of every Age.

 

kingsfoiled! (interj.) 1. I couldn’t find any athelas, Your Highness. 2. Dangnabit, the patient died.

 

 

Lamps of the Lavalar (n.) Great lamps created to bring grooviness to the world, in the ancient days when Trävoltä still dwelt in Stùdio54. These were destroyed with the arrival of Pünk and Nü(menorean) Wave.

 

Lard of the Rings (n.) All-powerful, evil doughnut shortening.

 

last homely house (n.) A really ugly residence on a cul-de-sac.
"My," said Bilbo politely to Elrond, "Your Last Homely House sure has a lot of personality."

 

leggolegolegolas (interj.) Shrill cry heard on Christmas morning as the children play with their new modular brick LOTR set. Related terms: “gimmeegimmeegimli”, “unfairamir”.

 

Legoutlast (v.) To drink somebody under the table.

 

Lembasada (v.) The Forbidden Elf-Dance.

 

lembascatter (n.) (of a crumbled item) To blow every which way in the wind while falling off a cliff, only to land in a neat little pile at the bottom. This phenomenon is frequently observed near aragorges.

 

lembassy (n.) A building containing the Elven ambassador's offices and staff.

 

lembaste (v.) To speak harshly to a companion under the influence of magical, but severely rationed, food. This replaces the more archaic term "riding the Cram pony": Don't mind Bilbo -- he's been riding the Cram pony.

 

lembusk (v.) To sing for one's supper.
Celeborn, greatly affected by Merry's lembusking, stifled a sob and offered him an elvish snack cake.

 

Littering Caves (n.) Popular picnic spot in Edoras.

 

lobeliate (v.) To hide when unwanted visitors ring the doorbell.
It's an encyclopedia salesman. Quick! Lobeliate!

 

lothlorn (adj.) To be hopelessly smitten with Haldir, Galadriel, or Celeborn.

 

lothlothario (n.) An elf who is constantly on the prowl; one who “plays the trees”.
Is that a spear in your hand, or are you just gil-galad to see me?